Saturday, January 26, 2013

I am sure this paragraph has touched all the internet users

I’ve started getting a lot of spam comments on this site. Of course, it’s perilous to assume—maybe I just have a lot of anonymous fans who really want to get me a deal for online casinos and Spanish real estate.

Most of these comments don’t appear on the blog itself for some reason. Blogger sends them directly to my email, though, and they’re starting to add up.

Of course, now that the election is over, I needed something to fill the extra space in my inbox.

By far the most popular post among my artificial adherents is this one I wrote in 2011 about cleaning refrigerators. I never expected my humble message to touch so many lives, but recent responses indicate that I have rendered humanity a great service.

Thank you, robots. I don’t know what to say.

But my vomit-prevention skills are not all that I have to offer. When it comes to frenzied eradication of vermin, I live to serve:

Also, my inability to function without caffeine could set me up for a major career change:

Not everyone is so congratulatory, though. For example, this fellow doesn’t find my pre-barf noises convincing because I failed to cite authoritative sources.

Despite familiarity with the concepts of spambots, internet trollery, and general sanity, every time I read this post I’m tempted to track the guy down and “unite the ideas” for him.

Intellectually I know that none of these comments, positive or negative, come from entities that have even glanced at my writing. That doesn’t keep me from reading them, though. It’s a lot like checking horoscopes—if you try hard enough, you can arrange to believe that they actually apply to you.

That’s why I keep clicking on the notifications—because of the possibility that A. Nonymous really does want to give me a shout out from Porter, Texas via his Russian blog.

It’s also why I’m applying extra vigilance to my spellcheck regimen:

Yet despite it all, jumbled in with the deceptions and false compliments, there lie a few noble spammers who still believe in straightforward honesty.

Extra Credit:


  1. One of your finest! I'm sure your paragraph has touched all the internet users ...

  2. Your topic was throughly laudable, from a perspective of a person who enjoys things and such. Writings are good and funny, but I worry that posting has declined and miss the funny.