Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Your Mother Should Know

I made Muddy Buddies this weekend. That’s where you soak Chex cereal in calories to create the most divine chocolate-peanut butter snack food ever to exist.

I was making them late at night for a Halloween party, and of course I had to keep tasting to make sure they came out okay. The following chart summarizes my experience with this process:

As it turns out, eating a pound and a half of sugar at midnight is not just a bad idea right then. It is also a bad idea the next morning.

Waking up with the digestive equivalent of a hangover was the latest in my body’s series of educational seminars, together titled “Your Mother Was Right.”

Apparently, “All that sugar will make you sick!” is an actual fact of nature and not just a way for parents to suck the fun from Halloween and birthdays. Who knew?

I also owe my mom credit for “It’s past your bedtime!” Sleep deprivation has been an awesome way for me to accomplish important stuff like reading Chuck Norris jokes online, but I’m gradually realizing that it has legitimate consequences such as exhaustion and acting stupid.

Extreme sleepiness routinely makes me too dumb to get another blanket or go to the bathroom when I wake up cold or...whatever. But I reached a new low last week when I woke up at 4 a.m. too dumb to roll over.

I had fallen asleep immediately upon contact with the bed, and it took a couple of hours for my body to work out that it was really uncomfortable and try to get my brain to fix the situation. Unfortunately, when I regained consciousness with my neck bent like an elbow, I couldn’t work out what to do about it.

So, Mama, I’m going to bed now. And I ate real food for supper along with my ice cream. I’m definitely going to keep swallowing watermelon seeds, though.


  1. I had that one time when my roommate left almost an entire pint of chocolate gellato on the coffee table right by where I was working on my computer. I was up well past midnight and I ate the entire thing... (this is in addition to a bunch of chocolate ice cream I had eaten earlier int eh day) and I had the "chocolate hangover" the next morning. not a fun day.

    I blame my roommate though. What was she thinking, leaving it there, knowing my weakness for chocolate?...

  2. I agree, you are not at fault. People simply cannot be expected to control themselves when confronted with the combined powers of ice cream and chocolate.

    Personally, I find that ice cream is the only dessert item that, no matter how much I eat, does not make me ill. A second piece of cake or half a can of soda starts turning me green right away, but after downing a pint of Blue Bell I'm just looking for the next flavor. The jury's still out on whether this is terrible or awesome.

  3. By the way, the Muddy Buddies that did make it to the party were delicious!

  4. I'm careful to make at least 60% more than I need so that some of them actually arrive at the intended destination.