Please don’t be jealous. It’s just that keeping my identity a secret gets so taxing, and I need to tell the truth.
#1. Sincerely enjoying really boring foods
Possibly as a result of traditional family dishes such as Rice With Butter or Can Of Tuna Fish, I have developed a superhuman independence from the concepts of “side dishes” and “ingredients.” With my superpower, I can regard the following as acceptable meals:
- a head of bok choy
- dry oatmeal mixed with raisins
- frozen peas (no need to thaw!)
- lettuce leaves folded to fit in Tupperware
This power makes it extremely easy to cook for myself and extremely difficult to shop effectively for my shared apartment.
Me, returning triumphantly from the grocery store: Look what I got! Three bunches of spinach!
Roommates: What are you going to do with it?
Me: Cook it and eat it! Who wants some?
Roommate 1: Ooh, are you making a quiche?
Roommate 2: Or spanikopita?
Me: Ummm, well, I was going to boil it and maybe put salt on it.
Roommate 1: Not stuffed tomatoes?
Roommate 2: Or even spinach dip?
Me: I guess I could add some butter...
Roommates: (Prepare elegant dip-stuffed spanikopita quiche)
Me: Mortals, you cannot fathom my power!