Superpowers

I have superpowers.

Please don’t be jealous. It’s just that keeping my identity a secret gets so taxing, and I need to tell the truth.

#1. Sincerely enjoying really boring foods

Possibly as a result of traditional family dishes such as Rice With Butter or Can Of Tuna Fish, I have developed a superhuman independence from the concepts of “side dishes” and “ingredients.” With my superpower, I can regard the following as acceptable meals:

• a head of bok choy
• dry oatmeal mixed with raisins
• frozen peas (no need to thaw!)
• lettuce leaves folded to fit in Tupperware

I still have an ordinary human capacity for appreciating meals made with spices and more than one bowl. However, these things are not necessary to my highly-developed super sensibilities.

This power makes it extremely easy to cook for myself and extremely difficult to shop effectively for my shared apartment.

Me, returning triumphantly from the grocery store: Look what I got! Three bunches of spinach!

Roommates: What are you going to do with it?

Me: Cook it and eat it! Who wants some?

Roommate 1: Ooh, are you making a quiche?

Roommate 2: Or spanikopita?

Me: Ummm, well, I was going to boil it and maybe put salt on it.

Roommate 1: Not stuffed tomatoes?

Roommate 2: Or even spinach dip?

Me: I guess I could add some butter...

Roommates: (Prepare elegant dip-stuffed spanikopita quiche)

Me: Mortals, you cannot fathom my power!